Darren Evans, a 38-year-old self-proclaimed “expert crypto trader” from the UK, has recently announced he will be moving out of his Mother’s house into his own abode. Darren has been living in the basement of his Mum’s house since he first lost his job in 2004 after getting caught watching porn on the office computer during his lunch break.

When asked about his new-found fortune, Darren explained:

“I’m definitely a pro-trader now. I’ve only got coins I saw people post about on Facebook, so my investments are dead safe. That’s what makes me a pro; I only go on recommendation, and some of my mates are dead smart. My mate Derek set up his own business trimming hedges so he’s a lot smarter than me but I’m a much better trader.”

“I only buy coins that are under $0.05, that way you know they can easily go 320,000 times higher when they catch up with Bitcoin.”

We asked Darren how long it took him to get to the magic million:

“My Nan still gives me five quid a week for ciggies, and I’ve stopped smoking, so I’ve been investing with that. I got PACcoin at $0.000152 each, 1 Million of them cost me $152, so it was a good few weeks saving up. But now I’ve got 1 Million PACcoin, and I must be the only Millionaire on our street.”

When asked if he knew how much the average rent was for a one-bedroom studio in the area, Darren declined to comment.

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